It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Success! We fucked roommates!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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