do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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