I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
