I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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