I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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