so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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