meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
