tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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