But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
