guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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