I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
4 words: hood of his car
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
