I want to walk on stilts...naked
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
