Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
