There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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