yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
