I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
are you so shy because you have an std?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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