well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone signed my nipple.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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