i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
