I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
