you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
