I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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