Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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