Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
