it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
