i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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