It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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