I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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