apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
