OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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