Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
