Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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