My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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