i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
