I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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