Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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