I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize