Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
