Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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