half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
