drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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