I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my poor anus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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