I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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