im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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