I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
