you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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