I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
