yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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