If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
