I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
