that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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