the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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