Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize