used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
